It is already known that our greatest ambition is to be happy, or at least it has been so since the 18th century: before we were educated in the firm belief that the earth was a vale of tears. In recent times, moreover, we want to be happy now, immediately and permanently, and if possible, without trying very hard; That is why we dare to learn the magic formulas that can take us to heaven. That’s why success…
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It is already known that our greatest ambition is to be happy, or at least it has been so since the 18th century: before we were educated in the firm belief that the earth was a vale of tears. In recent times, moreover, we want to be happy now, immediately and permanently, and if possible, without trying very hard; That is why we dare to learn the magic formulas that can take us to heaven. That’s why I think the success of self-help books. Well, from there and the fact that we are the least prepared to face disappointment, discomfort, and pain. We feel more and more driven to indulge in frequent sessions, which is unrealistic and problematic.
And yet, we are born with a lot of wealth. According to the 2008 World Values Survey, a massive survey of 118,000 people in 96 countries, people are fairly satisfied: with a score of 1 to 10, with 1 being completely unhappy and 10 being completely happy, less than 5% chose a 1, while a staggering 12% gave themselves a 10. Overall, more than 60% gave themselves a grade of 6 or higher. Another statistic that surprised me was the CIS Barometer from June 2015, which concluded that 8 out of 10 Spaniards declared themselves happy or very happy. The most abundant answer (also on a 1 to 10 scale) was 8, and 42% said they were almost completely happy. That is, the tendency to rate oneself more happy than unhappy persists in all studies and in all countries, unless there is a war situation. We are tenacious creatures and this primal pleasure is one reason for our predatory triumph as a species.
A few weeks ago, a wonderful interview with psychiatrist Robert Waldinger by Asher Rada, the fourth director of the largest study ever conducted on happiness, appeared in EL PAÍS, an investigation that began 85 years ago at Harvard University (USA) . Years ago and still continuing, and characterized by the fact that the lives of the subjects are evaluated throughout their existence. Waldinger distinguishes between hedonic pleasure, associated with immediate pleasure, and eudemonic pleasure, which is related to the feeling that our lives have meaning, and points out that we all experience different things depending on the individual and the moment in life. Both want happiness in proportion. It also concludes something that all the research indicates and that seems obvious to me: that feelings of happiness are linked primarily to the quality of personal relationships. Neither social success nor money brings as much happiness as good friends and good love. And one more obvious fact: Being generous helps you feel good.
I write all this and think about those who read me and say bitterly: well, I won’t give myself 8, why others are happy and I’m not, why all this nonsense about generosity when My anger comforts me a lot. And it’s true. If you feel hopeless, hatred, which one always deems appropriate, is a great relief. But it’s a tricky upgrade. It is like when you have a sore on your gum and the tongue insists on cleaning it; At first it seems soothing, but you are actually making the injury worse. Yes, generosity helps. At first it costs a little more than Tantrum, but later the benefits are noticeable.
With age one learns that happiness is very much like the absence of pain. That is to say that there is no great suffering for happiness to flourish, for life is rejoicing in living: as I have already said, we have that fortune, we bring that enthusiasm from the factory. But I think we can also help ourselves with a kind of active gymnastics of will. For example: nothing to constantly measure your life with others; We tend to magnify the happiness of others when the truth is that we have no idea what they feel, it is like comparing ourselves to a mirage, you will always lose stupidly. No more nostalgia. Nostalgia is a pointless pain, and looking back prevents us from seeing and enjoying the now. In the same way, 20,000 fear no future, for the future is never what you imagine it to be, and focusing on the imaginary evils of tomorrow destroys the only thing that exists, the present. Is. In short, all these obvious things, easy to say and hard to do, are summed up in that powerful poem by Raul Zurita: No shame, no fear.